'Would the gentleman in the chicken suit please climb down from the flagpole and refrain from declaring to be the "New Face of L'oreal"!?
This sort of commentary is to be expected at times, and although it is a great story that I am sure he will regale his mates with for years to come it is hardly the sort of thing I would constitute as a New Years Eve Cruising fail. Truth is I'd be more inclined to chalk this one up as a win just quietly ;)
So, with a little help from misfortune and a lot of assistance from alcohol we give to you the greatest New Years Eve Cruise Fails we have encountered in our many years operating in Sydney Harbour.
5 New Eve Cruise Fails
Some of the less impressive things that can happen during a New Years Eve Cruise can definitely be included as fails but they are things that can happen anywhere really. I'm talking about stereos running out of juice, Smartphones dying - OMG No selfies?! and gas bottles running out of ...gas. We are used to seeing half baked people on our cruises but trust me when I tell you, food is best when it is totally baked, kinda like that guy we met up the flag pole earlier ;)
Road Rage on The Water!?
One particular new year we had anchored our boat in a great position - it is something our captains are particularly good at doing I must say, and this one boat owner and his party decided all of a sudden that this was their spot and we had pinched it?! Clearly the man was insane because not only was this clearly NOT his place to anchor, the question as to how we had managed to maneuver a 50ft boat with the handling of a brick into place was beyond even the captain.
Needless to say, what ensued was a good 30 minutes of entertainment as the other boat owner went on a rampage of verbal abuse, only some of which could actually be deciphered over the noise of the night.
Ever Get That Sinking Feeling?
One New Years Eve we almost lost the lot. Almost. We had a pontoon/barge type boat with 120 people enjoying the evening and getting ready for the night ahead when the problems started.
At first it was just a some wash coming over the front of the barge as a result of all the chop from other boats, but as everyone on board decided (in their infinite wisdom) to go and see for themselves what all the fuss was about the issue turned a tad more serious. As the weight pushed the bow forward the wash became more intense and soon it got to a point where the nose of the barge was almost level with the water.
At this point we embarked on the greatest rescue mission in New years cruising history and managed to get everyone off and onto other vessels to continue their evening with slightly drier feet.
Water Water Everywhere and Not a Drop to ... Flush.
I won't go into too much detail with this one but let's just say that sometimes there are a few too many people having a few too many drinks, and the result is a few too many cleaners having to be employed the following day. ;)
When toilets clog and people unclog it is not pretty for anyone, and even though this too can happen anywhere - when you are out on the Harbour in a vessel with up to 400 other people it is .... anyway, moving on.
Tinnies and Tin Heads
This next guy is an idiot.... and yet also rather legendary too if I'm honest.
Basically what happened was this guy decided to come and watch the fireworks in a tinnie. That fact alone could almost constitute as a fail but it gets better! Not only did he show up in a the wrong type of boat, he then managed to break down. But wait, there's more! No steak knives here but what happened next was pure gold! This bloke managed to convince someone to tow him around for the evening and he proceeded to steer and act like he was under his own power. This guy managed to enjoy the show, give everyone a laugh, AND got away with the whole thing without being caught. Nice one mate! Ahem, I mean shame on you for your unsafe ways ;)
Are you this guy? No You are not! Ironically this guy would probably struggle to swim from one boat to another on New Years Eve. Ian Thorpe would probably say it was unsafe to swim when visibility was down to nothing and the harbour was so busy with other boats and their incessant wash.
So what daffuq makes you think you can make it?!
Some of the greatest fails (to everyone else) is when some idiot has been chatting with his mates, 'Excessive Alcohol' and 'How hard can it be" and they have convinced him (or her) to put this idea into action.
Remember, It's really hard to rescue someone when you are so busy pointing and laughing so be safe this New Years Eve and stay out of the water!. Besides, although you think you move like Ian Thorpe in the water, to the rest of us you seem to be channeling your inner Eric the Eel combined with a side of 'spiderweb dance'. Now THAT'S what I call an epic flail.